A New Adventure and The Craziest Week

I have always been a nervous rider. I had my confidence knocked by an instructor when I was younger and that meant I had to slowly rebuild it. Just as I was starting to get better I then had another knock, and then another. It's meant that even though I've had lessons, they've barely gone on for 3 months before I've had to go back to basics. 

Last year I finally found an instructor that I really got on with. She's super patient with me, doesn't push me to do more than I am happy with and I've steadily grown in confidence to the point that I was happy to get on and ride for short lessons! And then... Corona. We went into lock down and suddenly we weren't allowed to ride, or work and I steadily lost my confidence again the longer I didn't ride.

Then we moved stable yards...

Tuesday 7th July:

We arrived with the horses to the new stables! We got them settled in their field with all their lush new grass. Winnie had her dinner as usual including a nice big scoop of her calmer. Then we left them to it.

Wednesday 8th July:

We left the horses to settle in this day. We figured it would give them some time to get used to a new setting. Sue took Nancy for a walk around the yard and she was a good girl, only stopping to admire all the new boys.

Thursday 9th July:

It was Winnie's turn. It started well enough. She came out her field nicely and we made it three quarters of the way down the track from her field before she started being a tit and running in a circle around me. I managed to get her attention back on me and started off again. We got into the car park at the end of the track beside the yard and she freaked out. She started running in circles around me at speed. Barging into me. whipping around to face every direction. Even the smallest sound had her spinning on the spot. I got upset and frustrated. I didn't know how to calm her down and I felt like the longer we stood there the worse she was getting. So, admitting defeat, I took her back to her field.

Upon returning to the yard we bumped into J, the yard manager. She asked us how we were getting on and we told her how I was nervous, low confidence and Winnie was being an idiot. 

So, she grabbed her stuff and headed back up the field with us! Much to Winnie's horror J put her back in her bridle, and marched her quickly down to the yard. Winnie was so busy trying to keep up she didn't once look at the other horses and she didn't freak out at all. We chucked a roller on her and took her straight to the lunge pen where J worked her and let her burn off some steam. It took a little while but eventually Winn calmed down and we walked her back up to the field. 

Friday 10th July:

J text me and asked me if I wanted any help with Winnie that day. I said yes please and again she met up with us. Again J got Winnie from the field, bought her down and lunged her. But afterwards she said "Let's walk her to the end of the road and back". Now to say this scared the hit out of me was an understatement. I hadn't hacked since I fell off and broke my collarbone 4 years earlier, when a car clipped Winn's back legs. But J promised to stay with me, so she handed me the reins and off we went to the end of the road... and right and up beside the fields... and right again and behind all the fields... then right again and down the sides of the fields... then right again and back onto the yard. No spooks. Nothing. It was all on foot, and all about keeping me talking and breathing. But it was the first walk off yard I have taken Winn on in so long. I was super giddy.

Saturday 11th July:

J text me again and offered again! This time we tacked Winn up and J rode her in the school. After J swapped and asked if I wanted to get on. The anxiety hit me hard but I trusted J and I got on. I had a quick walk around the school and then she said we'd head out on a little hack. Me thinking it was the same walk as yesterday said okay as long as J would hold the reins as well. So we set off. Me struggling to keep my anxiety under control, and having to force myself to breathe. But this time we went on a longer hack! We walked over our first bridge and Winn was a star. We walked down a steep hill and through a small gap without her running through it. We walked along the road and circled back round onto the yard. Winn took a tiny fast step when a van door shut their door hard but apart from that again nothing. It was at this point that I worked out the more you make Winn walk FORWARD the less likely she is to do anything. The gently, gently approach I was trying wasn't working because I was giving her too much time to look at things, which meant too much time to think and then spook. So I hacked Winn for the first time in forever, even with someone holding onto the reins. 

Sunday 12th July:

At this point, Winnie had started waiting at the entrance when I went up there each day. She was ready to come out and do something, and would watch me walk away when I gave her some food instead. But on this day J bought winn down to the school and we stayed in there. Again she got on first and she started to work her. She walk, trot, cantered her in both directions and Winn was again really good. So I got on and this time we again stayed in the school. We walked and trotted. I attempted canter but I just wasn't ready. I think I was holding her back out of fear without really realising it. So I never got that. But I'm okay with that. I haven't cantered in about 6 years, so for me that was a gigantic leap. But... Winn was good. Again there was a little spook but nothing I couldn't handle, and for the first time I FELT like I could handle it. It could have been J continuously reminding me to keep my heels down, but I never felt out of control. In fact, I went from worrying she was going to tank off and be too fast for me, to wondering if I needed a whip to keep her going. I had tears when I got home, the relief and the happiness of it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't believe what I'd achieved.

Monday 13th July:

On this day J was busy so wasn't able to help but for the first time I didn't let this stop me. Instead I roped my sister into helping me, much to her total dismay when I text her and asked her to help me ride. I went up the yard, got Winn and marched her down to the yard, on my own. I tacked her up with my sister's help and I took her into the school. This time I had no one to get on before me. I got on first, without anyone warming her up for me, and walked and trotted Winn in the school. Then I asked if Sue would go for a walk with us... so off we went. I hacked Winnie the same route as the first walk, with Sue walking beside me, not holding the reins at all. 

On Monday 13th July 2020, I worked my horse and hacked her unlike I had done ever before. In a week I went from not riding at all for 4 months, not hacking for 4 years, not being comfortable on her for many more years, to being EXCITED about riding. I have felt more bonded with her now than I have done for the past 12 years of her life. 

My anxiety and nerves are still very much there. They're still strong and they still plague me for every second before I get on or when I know I might be working her that day. But now they're mixed in with other emotions and I feel like suddenly Winnie and I have potential together. She's not just my field ornament any more!

So I am going to keep this blog going to document everything that happens. I feel like this is the start of a new chapter in mine and Winnie's lives and it's looking bright. I hope this blog also helps someone else who is on a journey like mine.

Much love!

Katy xx